Hi y'all! I had never really thought much about the challenges that I was going to face when lockdown was enforced. Since moving into an apartment by myself, honey I was having the BEST time.
I could do whatever pleased me whenever it pleased me. Anyone who knows me will tell you I was thriving living alone.
And lockdown came and fucked with that.
I have always enjoyed the company of others, being around people brought me joy. That being said, I did enjoy those times when I could retreat to my apartment and just be alone.
I am one of those people who enjoys their own company so when restrictions were put in place and everything was closed I thought it would be plain sailing. Some time to focus on me, myself and I.
Those first weeks were bliss. Girl I had my routine, I was living for a home workout, loving spending time in my kitchen and honey, those creative juices were flowing.
I always knew lockdown was not going to be over as quickly as it was enforced, and I had accepted that I wouldn't be around anyone for the foreseeable. But that's when the reality set in.
As a highly social person, whose job focused on human interaction and whose daily life revolved around people, the initial novelty of having time to myself soon wore off. I found I was missing my old life more than I had expected. I suddenly fell into rut and all the motivation I had was quickly gone. I kept thinking of when I would be around people again. Yes, I missed working etc. but I was missing my social life even more. I began to loathe my own company and was sick fed up of seeing myself, and only myself, everyday.
I let slip things that once were so important to me, and stopped taking care of myself. I traded healthy meals for a bag of chips and dip, water for alcohol, exercise for laying in bed and those daily FaceTimes with friends... you can forget it. I wound up in a cycle of bad habits and ended up frustrated for allowing myself to slip so badly. But was I going to fix it then? Doll, absolutely not. Instead, I continued on that path and let my frustration over my own behaviour affect everything around me.
Thankfully, this is no longer the case. I would love to say it happened instantly, but babes, these things take time and slowly I began to claw myself back to the old me. It has not been all plain sailing but that being said I am in a much better place than a few weeks ago.
Now girl let me tell ya, I still have my off days. Hell I found myself lying on the sofa with a bag of chips, crying watching an episode of Schitt's Creek (it happens), hating having to spend this much time with myself, having not spoke to anyone that day.
Lockdown is hard, no matter how many people you are with. This is a challenge that is new to us and it's very much trial and error. It is important to not be too hard on yourself, to work out the balance that is right for you and to not be put out if it doesn't all go to plan.
Stay Safe - we will get through this together - KD